Our next door neighbor is a 3rd grade boy with whom Jonas likes to play after school in our yard. They ride bikes, terrorize the cat, and other boy things. He's not a bad kid, but he does have an older brother and sister and a single parent. So he's been exposed to a few things that Jonas hasn't, and he doesn't have any younger siblings.
I've told Jonas to make sure he stands up for Carleigh if the neighbor boy (we'll call him NB) picks on her or leaves her out of games. Today I said in so many words, "You need to tell NB that you can't hang out with him anymore if he isn't nice to your sister."
Five minutes later I see Jonas, alone, in the driveway. His head is bowed and his shoulders slumped in an obviously defeated stance. I ask what the matter is, and he turns to me and tearfully explained that NB decided he'd rather not play with Jonas if it meant having to be nice to the 4-year old sibling. Jonas is so sad, and confused.
Am I wrong here? Jonas asked why it matters if his friends are nice to Carleigh or not, and I explained that sisters are more important than friends. For some reason that sounds wrong. All people are important, but that means all people are worth treating well. Jonas gave NB a choice and he chose the path Jonas didn't want. This is NB's loss, not Jonas'. Right? Or should I have told Carleigh to simply stay out of the way of the boys and there wouldn't be a problem? I told Jonas he will have lots of friends, but he will never have another sister. Is that too dramatic?
I want to teach Jonas to stand up for what is right, no matter who it involves. Maybe next time I will stress that aspect instead of the sister aspect.
Sheesh- he's only 7, and his angst is already causing me this much introspection. Imagine my blog entries by the time he is 16.
UPDATE- since I've been writing this he has already moved on to other things. No hint of tears or worry. The kid bounces easily!
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It's an important lesson to teach. There will be bigger issues to stand up for, but in the meantime, you're laying a foundation of courage-building. There will most certainly be more friends in the future who will shrug and say, "Okay, I'll quit doing that thing (in Sidney's case, the girl quit kissing boys on the cheek at school when the teacher wasn't looking) so I can be your friend." (Of course, this was after a heart-to-heart with Mom & Dad the night before, and a VERY tearful Sidney who didn't want to run the risk of losing her friend to a cause that didn't seem nearly as valuable as the friendship!)
These little battles are preparing him to stand up for the bigger things that matter ever-so-much more later in life. It definitely takes instruction, practice, obedience, etc, etc. You were RIGHT, as usual. You go, MOM!
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