Thursday, January 29, 2009

A confession and a fear

When I was in grade school, maybe 4th or 5th grade, I was invited to a party. One of my classmates gave me a peice of notebook paper with the information on it. Nothing fancy, definitely nothing official looking. Then again, we were 9. Not sure why I would expect Crane stationery, and Print Shop wasn't quite a household item yet. The party was to be held at the home of a fellow classmate. But not just any classmate. By my standards, this was THE most popular girl in school. She had the most friends, was the most athletic (she was always one of the people picking for teams at recess or in gym), and all that other necessary stuff to be a pre-teen A lister.
My reaction was this- I crumpled up the paper and threw it away as soon as I got home. Why on earth would I do that?, you ask. Because I was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was a fake party and this was all a set up. Just to make me look stupid. I could just picture all the cool kids waiting at someone's house, down the street from this girl's house, watching from bushes and around corners, as I stood alone on her doorstep and continued to press the doorbell. This scene would give them laughing foder for days to come. And I would never live it down.
I rationalized- why else would the most popular girl in school invite me to her party? I didn't even let the idea that this was a real party enter my head. I didn't even tell my mother about the ruse, as I didn't want her to know how I was the butt of the cool kids' joke.
The Monday after the prank would have taken place (had I fallen for the trick), I heard two girls talking before class started. They were talking about the party they had gone to Saturday night, and how much fun it had been. Clever, I thought. They even had a contention plan if I didn't show up. They'd stage people to talk about "the party" so I'd think I missed something great, and be inclined to show up the next time they planned to prank me.
That night during dinner, the phone rang and my mother answered. She spoke briefly with the other party and returned to the table. She asked me why I hadn't told her there had been a party that weekend. I started to get teary eyed. How cruel! To even extend the prank so far as to involve my mother! Seeing my tears, my mother explained that the phone call had been from the mother of the most popular girl in school, and she was worried about me as I had been the only kid invited who hadn't shown up to the REAL LIVE PIZZA party they had on Saturday.
I don't remember if I explained the real reason to my mom or if I just shrugged it off.
But a few months later, this girl had another party, and the invitation came straight from her mom to my mom. So I went. And honestly, as I walked to the door, a part of me was still scared that no one would answer and that this really was an elaborate prank. A long con, you might say. And when the door opened and I saw all the other kids already there, I was genuinely surprised!
So my confession is this- I was THAT self involved and self conscious that I believed a group of fellow 4th graders would spend that much time and energy to hurt ME. What a fool I was.
And this is my fear- that my kids may some day think the world revolves around them to the point that they will be convinced a simple hand written note is equal to certain public humiliation.
How do I prevent this? I don't see anything like that in them at this point. But if I ever do, how do I nip it quickly? I think I have wasted YEARS of my life being worried about what other people think about ME! I would hate for my kids to experience that for even a minute.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Unconventional friend

Guess what? In 21 days I am participating in a half marathon. OMG! My best est friend Jodi is joining me (her husband too) and I am super excited. Especially after reading the latest entry by Liz Jordan, who just ran her first full marathon. She's quite the inspiration. I feel so blessed to have moved to Houston and find Liz on the afternoon show of KSBJ. She's funny, and honest, and cute, and loves life and God and her boyfriend and her family. And she loves Houston- which is big for me because I wasn't this town's biggest fan when we moved here 2 years ago. I'm finding myself intrigued by her stories about the different parts of town and wanting to go find out for myself.
Little things like this blow my mind when I let myself dwell on them. God is so gracious. This is such a comfort to me, and not expected at all. I spend so much time by myself, since I work from home, and I have found a friend on the radio. Silly, I guess, because there are probably millions of us who feel similarly about Liz. But I still feel blessed and happy to "know" her. Maybe one day we'll meet in person. What a concept!
If you happen to be in the listening range for KSBJ, check them out. I can never go back to "traditional" radio, and maybe you'll enjoy it too. Oh- and if you aren't in range, you can listen to them anywhere with an Internet connection. So cool.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A day in history- like all the others, but oh so different

I'm watching the inauguration, like so many people around the world are doing. Rick Warren is praying right now, and I am crying- a little bit. Things may change, oh they WILL change, but I am grateful to live in a country that still prays to the One True God as we swear in our president. (OOOOh- look at that bow on Aretha Franklin's hat...he he he! )
I am happy to say I am alive and an American today. For so many reasons, but this one stands out- today we are swearing in the 44th president peacefully elected to that post. Our country has messed lots of stuff up, but we have gotten that right. (Ok- sorry- if you are in the 3rd row of the presidential inauguration, don't chew gum...dude, you are on camera. smack smack smack)
I admire how on schedule this thing is- it is exactly 11:57 EST, and Biden is raising his hand.
I digress. But this real time blogging is neat!
In my 70 something years on this earth (God willing) there may never be another day like this one. The first African American president- pretty cool. I didn't vote for Obama, but I am praying for him and his cabinet. I will support him and my vow is to never speak poorly of him while he holds the office of president. I believe God is in control, completely, and with that I have nothing to fear.
One last live moment observation- a Jew, Korean, African American, and a woman are playing the prettiest musical quartet right now...this pushes the ceremony over the time frame (it's 12:02) but man- it's beautiful. Did I ever tell you I want to learn how to play the cello? Oh yeah- there is no sound quite like it. Thank you God for giving us music, and those people the talent to play it like they do.
God Bless America!!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

What I love

I love Carleigh's new haircut- she can really pull off short hair.
I love how her hand fits in my hand when we walk down the street.
I love that she likes to dress herself and doesn't care if someone doesn't like it.
I love Healthy Choice Chicken Noodle Soup.
I love how I can tell Jonas doesn't feel good just by looking at him.
I love how he calls me Mamma.
I love my best friend, Jodi, and how hard she is fighting for what is right.
I love my husband more every day!!!
I love my sleek black cat Speedy.
I love KSBJ so much more than that radio station I thought I loved in Dallas.
I love my family- both sides of it, and all parts of it!

Just a sampling. I love tons of other things, but wanted to list these right now.